Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
