They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
