How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
