Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
