just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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