my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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