she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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