We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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