The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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