running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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