he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
