shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
