She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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