dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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