after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
