I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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