it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize