Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
