You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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