Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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