can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
