I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize