Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
