hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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