I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
