God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
