...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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