Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
