atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
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Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
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The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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