Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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