you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
