This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
