Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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