just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
hell yes lets make some ravioli
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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