YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
