Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
