So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
