Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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