no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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