I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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