in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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