i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
