You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
