I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize
