you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He felt like a one man threesome
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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