Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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