don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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