I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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