Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
