I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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