I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
