How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
