I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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