I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
