I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
