Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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