Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i drank out of a bidet.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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