I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
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