I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
