i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
