i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
