u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize