My room smells like vodka and shame
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
