We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
