Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
