Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
