she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
