Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
