So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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