My balls are so social today.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
soo... how was my night?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize