I molested 6 butterflies tonight
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
