Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
