I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
