that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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