Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
