i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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