I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I have feelings that need drinking.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
