party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Randomize
