hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
