can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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