he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
