I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
