I just made out with a guy for $7.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We are two peas in an std pod
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Randomize
