There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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