Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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