I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
That accounts for only three of the penises
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
