Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
